Well everyone, this is it. I have some terrible, very bad, extremely serious news about this blog. This news is very real, and it should not be taken as a joke! Due to a recent, actual event that is not made up, I have truly decided to change career paths for real.
I regret to announce that from here on out, I will be pursuing a career in the least fun job sector known to America: Unswirling. This very real occupation is primarily focused on doing the opposite of Swirling. As a joyful swirler at Suzy’s, I spent my days cleaning, restocking, having fun, and engaging our beloved swirling customers in happy conversation. The Unswirling industry stands against all of that!
Instead of cleaning and restocking, my primary tasks will include making messes and eating the supplies myself! No more clean appliances and surfaces like we keep at Suzy’s, and no more limitless combinations of toppings. Rather than having fun and laughing with Suzy’s loved customers, who bring so much joy it would light up Lake Bluff during a total solar eclipse, I plan to stay extremely serious, downtrodden, and unhappy.
Worst of all, I’m gonna have to spend my time separating yogurt, ice cream, and sorbets out of their delicious twists instead of mix magical combinations. I’ll have to take the toppings off the cups, leaving the ice cream plain and unadorned. Finally, there will be no more of the machine levers or self-serve processes that make Suzy’s such a singular and unique experience no matter your flavor preferences. In the Unswirling sector of the economy, there are only scoops.
I’m gonna miss the happy purple walls of Suzy’s, and the fun of both the Lake Bluff and Lake Forest locations. I’ll look back fondly on my time as a swirler, where I made so many memories and enjoyed a fast-paced, social, and fun work environment. I’ll miss the families who swirl in and make Suzy’s what it is. And finally, I’ll miss my chocolate swirl cup with Reese’s peanut butter cups crumbled across the top, my favorite pick-me-up and dearest celebratory instrument.
Or at least, I would if this story weren’t a genius April Fools prank!
EARLY APRIL FOOLS MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!
“I have great faith in fools,— self-confidence my friends will call it.”
Edgar Allan Poe